I hung up the phone after another one of my failed calls.  I’ve personally called three of my friends in that circle.  I emailed them weeks ago of course, but for some reason electronic messages are now being taken for granted, and they don’t pay attention anymore.  So I did my usual phone and text-in brigade.

We have not seen each other in months, but it seems everyone has made plans – Hannah, Kevin, Ryan (of course), Rebecca, and Jerry.  I know Alex would have joined me, but he’s out of the country.  I leaned back and stared at the vague reflection on the computer screen.  After letting out a deep sigh, I switched on the computer and went back to work.  I’ll just go that weekend, with or without the gang.

Saturday came, and I arrived a bit early at the exhibit.  It was a mini-collection of posters and scripts situated just outside the theater, mostly with picture frames on stands made of stacked blocks and old corkboards probably owned by the mall and used for other functions.  It was a simple showcase of the school’s independent films, much like a make-shift “for-your-consideration” campaign.  The Indies, I thought.

I took out my ticket and was about to head inside when I bumped into a couple stepping out of the theater.

“I’m so sorry — Rebecca?”

“Oh, hey!”  It was Rebecca and Jason, the ex-editor-in-chief, love of her life, whom she finally dated after college.  “Jason and I passed by the mall to look for a gift for Alex, since it’s his birthday next week, and I thought of coming here to see if you went anyway.  It was just a spur of the moment thing; thanks for letting me know by the way - I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you!”  She was unusually wide-eyed while she enthusiastically said all that.

I chuckled to relieve the awkwardness of the situation.  “It’s fine – I’m glad you guys came.  Alex won’t be back before December though, you know that, right?”  “Um, yeah!  It’s…  I’m just preparing…” Rebecca shrugged, pulled me aside and motioned to Jason.  “I’ll just go get some snacks,” he said.

“I’m sorry I said no last time-” I immediately put my hands on her shoulders.  “Reb, I meant it when I said I was happy for you.  I know you guys – Kevin, Ryan, everyone - you all have your own thing now.  You don’t have to explain anything.  I mean, don’t feel obliged to go if you don’t want to.  I understand.  I do.”

And I did understand at that point.  They’ve moved on with their lives, and perhaps I was just trying to relive those days when I felt that I was a part of something.  After a long pause, Rebecca softly spoke as she looked down.  “I have a boyfriend now.”  I smiled and glanced back at Jason buying popcorn at one of the stalls.  “I know.  And I’m glad.  I’m glad everyone in the group is getting somewhere.  It’s about time.”

“It’s about time.”  Rebecca looked up, smiled, and after saying goodbye, turned and walked away.  I watched her go, and she didn’t look back.  ”Hey, maybe I’ll see you guys inside!”  I shouted, but she didn’t seem to hear me as she continued to walk briskly towards Jason.  I took a deep breath, and heard the introductions being made inside the theater.  The show was about to begin.

Or emails.  Or text messages, I thought.  “It’s fine.” I didn’t turn around, as I continued to pour coffee into my cup on the kitchen counter.  It was ten in the evening on a work day, and one of my closest friends Ryan came all the way to my house after a really bad day.  I have not seen or spoken to him in months.

“I just don’t get it,” he leaned back, frustrated.  “I’m doing everything my boss tells me to do, and she still treats me like crap.  And the other guys are in it, too.  It’s as if they all turned their back on me; Sheila the bitch, Joshua, and Randy – I freakin’ helped him get his promotion!”

I took a deep breath and turned to him.  “Maybe this job is just not for you; I mean, I always told you-”

“And Madel, it’s as if we never went out…”  Ryan paused and looked down. “I don’t know how to face Jean.  She’s taking the boards soon.  You know she’s relying on me to get this shit together.”

“Jean isn’t the type to pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do,” I spoke up.  “I remember you were against her pushing through med school because she couldn’t afford it, but still she did it.  I mean, it’s not like you’re married already.  I’m sure she’ll get it.  She’ll get it.”  Even I was convinced with what just came out of my mouth.

Ryan let out a deep sigh and gave his usual partial smile.  “Thanks.  I hope so.  I’m lucky to have you, you’re always here when I need you.”

“Right…” I tapped the countertop and slowly turned to reset the coffeemaker.

“I can’t even contact Jerry or any of the other guys.  Kevin’s already busy with his first ever girlfriend, hah, Hannah is dating that guy from the electronics store, and you, you’re still…”

“Here.” I faced him.

“Yeah.”  He looked down for a moment and turned to our antique clock.  “Oh, I should go.  I didn’t mean to treat this like a coffee stop or what, but thanks so much for… everything.  I’ll see you, okay?  Promise I’ll answer your calls this time.”  He chuckled a bit and headed for his coat.  I just stood there, smiled and waved, as he let himself out quickly.

I slowly turned back to the coffeemaker to reset it and cleaned the filter.   Afterwards, I washed the cups and hung them out to dry like I always do.  I turned off the kitchen lights and paused for a while.  I guess my work here is done.